Let me tell you a story about two relationships.
Storytime with Coach Kenn: The Tale of Two Relationships
The first one feels like a dream. It’s filled with endless romance, effortless connection, and zero arguments. Every moment is Instagram-worthy, and your partner seems tailor-made to meet your every need. It’s the kind of love story you’d binge-watch on a streaming platform, complete with a swelling soundtrack and a happily ever after.
Now, here’s the second relationship. It’s…messier. There are moments of pure joy, yes, but also moments of frustration. Your partner forgets things sometimes. You argue about whose turn it is to do the dishes or fallout over seemingly trivial things that 48 hours later, you cannot readily remember. You question why you are even in the moment with them and some days, (if you are honest) you don't even like the person and at best wonder if you even are speaking the same language. There’s no sweeping orchestral score—just the hum of daily life.
The first one feels like a dream. It’s filled with endless romance, effortless connection, and zero arguments. Every moment is Instagram-worthy, and your partner seems tailor-made to meet your every need. It’s the kind of love story you’d binge-watch on a streaming platform, complete with a swelling soundtrack and a happily ever after.
Now, here’s the second relationship. It’s…messier. There are moments of pure joy, yes, but also moments of frustration. Your partner forgets things sometimes. You argue about whose turn it is to do the dishes or something trivial that a day later, you've all but forgotten and some days, you wonder if you’re even speaking the same language. There’s no sweeping orchestral score—just the hum of daily life and some days, you question why you are in it or is it worth it.
Here’s the twist: the first relationship doesn’t exist and the second one, is the one many have but hardly anyone wants.
The first relationship is a fantasy—a polished, idealized version of love that doesn’t hold up under the weight of real life. The second? That’s the reality. And while it may not be perfect, it’s real, raw, and capable of growing into something extraordinary.
But here’s the problem: too many of us are chasing the fantasy. We’ve been sold a version of love that’s flawless, easy, and completely unrealistic. And when our actual relationships don’t measure up, we blame our partners, or worse, we blame ourselves.
This article is here to help you break free from that cycle. It’s time to stop chasing the fantasy and start embracing the reality of relationships. Because let’s face it—all relationships are not created equally, and sometimes, you might be the problem.
Don’t worry, though. That’s not a bad thing. Recognizing where your mindset, habits, or expectations might be holding you back is the first step toward transforming your love life. In these pages, we’re going to get real about the differences between fantasy and reality, and how these two mindsets can make or break your connection.
So, buckle up. This isn’t your typical fairy tale. This is about rolling up your sleeves, getting a little uncomfortable, and discovering the kind of love that can survive—and thrive—in the real world.
You may be asking; "Why are relationships so hard Coach" to which I always respond that relationships are not hard, people in them are either hard-hearted or hard-headed. Since no one gets into a relationship to fail, this read will help you put some things into perspective.
Ready? Let’s dive in.
Fantasy of a Relationship vs. The Reality of a Relationship
The Fantasy of a Relationship
The fantasy of a relationship is often rooted in idealized expectations and societal narratives about love. It’s the "happily ever after" we see in movies, hear in songs, and read in books. This mindset emphasizes perfection and effortless connection, where:
Partners never argue: Disagreements are seen as signs of incompatibility.
Love solves all problems: Challenges like financial stress, personal insecurities, or external pressures are magically resolved by the strength of love alone.
Your partner is your everything: They’re expected to fulfill all your emotional, social, and even spiritual needs.
There’s always passion: Romance and physical attraction remain constant without effort.
While this fantasy can feel exciting, it’s inherently flawed because it ignores the complexities of real-life relationships.
The Reality of a Relationship
In contrast, the reality of a relationship is messy, imperfect, and dynamic. It’s about navigating life’s ups and downs with your partner as you both grow and change. A realistic mindset recognizes that:
Conflict is inevitable: Healthy relationships don’t avoid conflict; they handle it constructively.
Love is not enough: Relationships require effort, communication, compromise, and mutual respect.
Your partner is human: They have flaws, make mistakes, and can’t meet every need you have.
Passion ebbs and flows: Physical and emotional intimacy requires intention and work to maintain.
Reality-based relationships are built on resilience, understanding, and a willingness to adapt to life’s challenges.
How These Mindsets Play a Role in Success or Demise
The Impact of the Fantasy Mindset
Unrealistic Expectations: When you expect perfection, even small imperfections feel like massive failures. A minor disagreement can be perceived as proof that the relationship isn’t “meant to be.”
Example: A partner forgets an anniversary, and instead of seeing it as a mistake, you interpret it as a lack of love or commitment.
Avoidance of Hard Conversations: Believing that love should be effortless can lead to avoiding difficult topics like finances, intimacy, or personal insecurities. This avoidance creates unresolved tension.
Dependency on Perfection: Partners are placed on pedestals, and when they fall short (as they inevitably will), disappointment can breed resentment.
Quick Exits: People with a fantasy mindset often leave relationships at the first sign of difficulty, believing that “the right relationship” wouldn’t require work.
The Impact of the Reality Mindset
Resilience Through Challenges: A reality-based mindset acknowledges that challenges are part of the journey. Instead of running away, you face them together.
Example: A couple struggling with financial stress works as a team to budget and support each other emotionally.
Healthy Communication: When you accept imperfection, you’re more likely to have honest conversations. This creates a foundation of trust and mutual understanding.
Adaptability: Realistic relationships grow and change as the individuals in them evolve. This flexibility strengthens the bond over time.
Gratitude and Patience: A realistic mindset fosters appreciation for the small, everyday moments of love and connection, rather than chasing grand romantic gestures.
How to Shift From Fantasy to Reality
Examine Your Expectations: Ask yourself: Are my expectations based on reality or an idealized version of love? Identify where you might be holding your partner or relationship to an impossible standard.
Focus on Communication: Talk openly with your partner about your needs, fears, and challenges. Healthy relationships thrive on honesty, not pretense.
Celebrate Effort Over Perfection: Recognize and value the effort your partner makes, even if it doesn’t look like a rom-com moment.
Reframe Conflict: See disagreements as opportunities to grow closer, not as signs of failure. Conflict, when handled well, can deepen intimacy and understanding.
Invest in the Relationship: Reality-based relationships require work. Prioritize quality time, shared goals, and ongoing communication to keep the connection strong.
My Key Takeaway
The fantasy of a relationship can feel intoxicating, but it sets you up for disappointment and disconnection. The reality of a relationship, while imperfect, offers something far more valuable: the opportunity to build a truly deep, lasting, and authentic connection with another person.
By embracing reality and rejecting the fantasy, you create a relationship that isn’t just good in theory but fulfilling in practice. Be your solution if you are your problem or in short, do the work on yourself.
Be well,
Coach Kenn
A Call to Action
Your journey doesn’t have to end here! Stay connected and continue learning with me:
📧 Email: iamcoachkenn.com
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